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a little belated but important "current event" poetry...

now we all know how this ended: tyranny forever defeating those demanding freedom.

some-some on Erich Fromm- pt the 2

"Love is union with somebody, or something, outside oneself, under the condition of retaining the separateness and integrity of one's own self." -Erich Fromm

rjb: Most recently, I lost myself-- lost my own identity and longer still, my integrity. I was foolishly focusing all I had towards one who demonstratively renounced my love. Though, I don't really blame her, I'm sure she renounced me precisely because I lost myself, perhaps she renounced me because she lost herself as well. I don't think sacrificing the self (I mean, in an uncool, non-Ahimsa way) is the rule but it certainly is the norm in most relationships. It needn't be--- and I won't allow it to be again.


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"One cannot be deeply responsive to the world without being saddened very often. " -Erich Fromm

rjb: I'm convinced that the more sorrow one experiences in one's lifetime the more "thoughtful" (not to be confused with "intelligent") they become---if one allows oneself to appreciate the power of "legitimate suffering", without distractions and willful ignorance.


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"To hope means to be ready at every moment for that which is not yet born, and yet not become desperate if there is no birth in our lifetime. " -Erich Fromm

rjb: I feel hopeful for many things, mostly for sustaining self-improvement and I'm not willing to concede to the still-birth or non-acquisition of a more positive lifestyle and empowering attributes; I do however have many hopes that are beyond my own control, and I think these are the main ones Fromm is referring to. By his suggestion I am trying hard to feel a calmness (and surprisingly, succeeding) amidst all this chaos which allows me to fathom and very nearly expect greater loss and disappointment (with little fear). Losing faith is stinging but it needn't be defeating.


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"What most people in our culture mean by being lovable is essentially a mixture between being popular and having sex appeal. " -Erich Fromm

rjb: ...and I imagine all men will come to be repeatedly undone by sexual selection --- and perhaps too hopefully/cruelly I expect women also have the potential to be undone by their own "selections."

"Peace like a river, ran through the city..."

Yes, I have place; a strangely configured bachelor suite. Not much beyond a kitchen, a bathroom and a bedroom (no living room). But it’s enough for me. It’s in a really nice neighborhood and close to my work, which is important, since there’s a trade-off ---its small size.

Riverdale is the name of the community. The view of the river valley in the back is spectacular. Peace like a River. My landlord told me that someone is moving out of a one bedroom soon and that I could switch to that one, should I choose to. Besides the fact that the apt is about $150-$200 cheaper than most apartments in Edmonton, the best part about it is I feel stronger just by acquiring my own place. I almost forgot what it feels like to accomplish something, even something as small as successfully getting a place--- it adds a little bit to my long-time battered ego. Working out on ten of the last twelve days obviously helps out a lot too. Small steps all, but essential I think.

My life is, on certain fronts, still a mess, but I feel like I can handle anything. I’ve already mentally prepared myself for all possible outcomes; short of death--- my mantra, Thomas Hardy’s: “If way to the Better there be, it exacts a full look at the Worst” has helped me out immensely. If I could, I’d thank him for the supplied adage and for his unabashed recognition of the harmony in the dichotomy of Romance and Realism—and I hope he wouldn’t be offended if I purposely, for the time being, avoided rereading his masterpiece, 'Neutral Tones' ---at least until autumn.

rains pours

Span of 1 week:
(so far in chronological order)

-sever family trauma (can't specify)
-lost my girlfriend of 7 years, a girl I was convinced would one day be my wife
-lost my sweet dog, Newton
-lost my home

now I'm living as a transient between some friend's places and my mom's until I get a place for July. For most of my waking hours I feel as though I've been repeatedly kicked in the stomach. Yes, yes, familiar heartache.

...then today, on my way to work-out I realize I lost my gym shoes. I can't work out. I need to for my own sanity! After I accepted the fact that I couldn't exercise, I decided to drive to work. I got into my truck and alas, it wouldn't start. I have to get it towed, again. I have to spend money that I don't have getting to a garage and then getting fleeced by the garage. (again--- I went through all of this less than 5 months ago, the truck part I mean)

fuck

tomorrow: