have no fun the dancer

I have a hard time pretending to be having fun. Dancing to really bad drum and bass shit is especially hard for me to fake. Goos and Cheub can do it so they do. I wish I could. It looks like fun. Last night I gave it a good try but it felt wrong; wrong at a very basic level, like my soul was hurting, sneering at me for even trying it. I stopped dancing and stood in the corner drinking 175NT bottled water. Like the dunce, I watched and envied and despised. The sacrifice of dancing to all-out bullshit seems like too big a price to pay for a morsel of social glory. I used to be able to though, that’s what’s especially unsettling. I used to dance like all the gregarious yo-yos. But now I dunno if I’m too vain and insecure or what but I can’t/wont/cain’t (hard a).