An Unforthcoming Thomas Train and the Miserable Conversation.

( An unforthcoming 'Thomas Train')

A One-Act Screen Play.

Characters:
Aida Airplane: A girl Airplane with a human face. She has a crush on Thomas Train.
Brewster Bus: A boy Bus with a human face. A tall bus but not a double-decker.
Thomas Train: A boy Train with a human face. He'’s the star.
Station Master Ringo Starr: Ex-Beatle now a Station Master/ Train Engineer.

Setting: A dimly lit train yard in some magic place where all the fucking crafts, ships, ferries, cars, trains, airplanes, buses, and general-mobiles can talk and are usually friendly. It’s a bit chilly--about 12*C and the Sun is down. Station Master Ringo Starr is sitting in the security booth watching the Tom Hanks movie, “"Big"”.



---

Aida Airplane: What age where you when you first made a trip?

Brewster Bus: You mean like full-trip, round-trip? All the way? I was-- I’'m not sure---,I think, I mean, I don'’t even think I can remember my first round-trip, I---

Aida Airplane: No, I mean just a basic trip not a full-trip, not a round-trip, just you know, leaving the depot or port or whatever applies. Were you under fourteen days or over fourteen days?

Brewster Bus: Oh, well just leaving the depot, that’'s kid’s stuff we’re talking about, uh, hmm, I must’'ve been. Hmm, I was under fourteen days, I think. Wait, I was fourteen days. Nope I was thirteen days old and it was a British Columbia depot. I was with my cousin Tyler Bus-yeah I know, what a strange name!

Brewster Bus: Wait, how new were you Aida Airplane?

Aida Airplane: I was 20 days when I left the hanger.

Brewster Bus: Wow, that’'s---is that normal for Airplanes?

Aida Airplane: No I was late. I was later.

Brewster Bus: Ah, you’'re a frigid one, you must…

Aida Airplane (looks confused): what is frig---

Brewster Bus: Afraid of trips, of going on trips.


Thomas Train enters station (toot-toot!)


Station Master Ringo Star: 'Ello Thomas Train, welcome back, things 'aven't been the same without you!

Thomas Train: Yeah?

Brewster Bus: Hey Thomas Train, how new were you when you made your first trip, I mean, when you just left the station for the first time?

Thomas Train: I’'ve had this conversation with both of you before and I’m not going to have it again.

Brewster Bus: What? I don’'t remember ever having this conversation with you before.

Thomas Train: I’'m sure---I’'m sure I’'ve had this conversation with both of you before.

Brewster Bus: Well, I don’'t think we have-- but anyway, since I honestly don'’t know how new you were, just pretend you never told me. So, how new were you when you left the station for the first time?

Thomas Train: Forget it; I’'m not going to tell you.

Brewster Bus: What do you mean?

Thomas Train (no longer looking at Brewster Bus or Aida Airplane but instead focusing on his choo-choo parts): I don’t feel like telling you, I don’t want to-- it’s not a big deal.

Brewster Bus: Well, it’s pretty simple, just tell us a number, fuck, anything, 'twelve', 'thirteen', 'sixteen', it's not that hard. How hard is it to say a number? To say how many days?

Thomas Train: It’'s not a big deal; I just don’t want to tell you. I don’'t feel like it.

Brewster Bus: I really don'’t understand, how hard is it for you, I mean, I can see if your first trip was with your 'Grandpa Tony Train' but I’'m sure it was just a regular departure, right?

Thomas Train: Forget it!

Brewster Bus (growing agitated he starts backing up from Thomas Train and starts to leave the station): I just think it'’s such a simple little thing to answer. I mean, I think it’'s fucking lame that you couldn’'t answer. You refuse for some unknown reason!

Thomas Train: It’'s not a big deal. If someone doesn'’t want to tell something he shouldn'’t have to-- it'’s not a big dea--

Brewster Bus (now very annoyed, in first-gear, driving back towards Thomas Train): Exactly! It’'s not a big deal at all-but you'’re making it a bigger deal by not telling how many days new you were, it’'s pretty easy, just say a number! Is it seriously that hard to just say 'fourteen' or to say 'thirteen days new'-- your first trip?!

Thomas Train: It’'s not a big deal and I think it’'s predictable of you to think it is!

Brewster Bus: “Predictable”? I couldn’t care less if you think it’'s "predictable." That’'s not the point--- At all.

Thomas Train: Good, just like I care less what you think about me---

Brewster Bus (sarcastically): Yeah, ok. That’'s good then, ‘"good pals"’ we are, now we know. We like to share.



THE END